DON'T DEPEND ON OTHERS FOR HAPPINESS

Now, a common dilemma that we have in this "quest" for happiness is putting other people in the equation.

Oftentimes, people do or don't do something and it can cause a good day to be sour. It's alright to have occasional sour days. But the problem comes in when we become too dependent on other people for the love and happiness that we ought to give to ourselves.

It's a classic cliche to say "you cannot give what you don't have" but it is definitely true. You have to practice that love and happiness energy for yourself first before you can find it from anyone else.

Here are a few reminders to make sure that you don't fall into that pattern:

1. LET OTHERS OFF THE HOOK.

I can now hear gasps of surprise.

But yes, you have got to let others off the hook. Your happiness is your responsibility. No one should be able to take it away from you. But why do we oftentimes let them? For a number of reasons. Sometimes, we enjoy the attention. Other times we enjoy seeing them care about us and equate it with our value.

STOP.

I know it isn't easy but you really just have to stop doing that. If we always put our emotional well-being on the hands of other people, we will mostly end up disappointed. WHY? Because no one can be 100% consistent. It's not a stable point of attraction. It is not a steady and sure anchor to tie your emotional well-being to. No one can keep up with making you happy ALL THE TIME.

If someone has hurt you, or made you angry, sift through the situation and find the clarity in it. Would I recommend that you express your anger? NO. Would I recommend that you step away from it? YES. Step away from something unwanted and find your clarity first before dealing with the situation. Always act out from your alignment.

2. LET YOUR RELATIONSHIPS BE A REFLECTION OF YOUR HAPPINESS, NOT THE REASON FOR IT.

Ooooooh. This is a big one, isn't it?

I, too, have been mastering this for a long time now. I can't say I have 100% mastered it but I think I'm better at looking at my relationships as a reflection of my emotional state rather than a reason for it.

What exactly do I mean?

When your (romantic) relationship is wonky or shaky, we tend to resonate that and be out of whack with ourselves too. But it should be the other way around, actually. We should be fixing our own emotional state first and the universe will reflect that state back to us through our relationships with people.

You'd know if you have not been very kind to yourself when your lovers aren't exactly as kind to you. You know when you have poured yourself love and care when your lovers are very caring and loving of you, too.

You see how this works?

Alignment first, clarity and emotions first and then the manifestations will follow.

We can't say, "If only he will change his behavior, then I can feel good." It doesn't work like that. It's more, "I can and should feel good no matter what he does or does not do." And then watch how everything improves.

If it still brings you so many unpleasant things that you cannot un-focus on, then maybe it's time to just close the book and gravitate towards a  more pleasing relationship with someone else.

3. THE ONLY RELATIONSHIP THAT TRULY MATTERS IS THE ONE YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF.

It really all boils down to how you are with yourself. Every single thing starts with self.

Take care of yourself. Pour love to yourself. Find peace and happiness with yourself. AND ALLOW THE UNIVERSE TO BRING FORTH MORE PEOPLE THAT WILL REFLECT THE QUALITY OF LOVE THAT YOU HAVE FOR YOURSELF.

Stop looking for love in all the wrong places. It is within you. You are love. You create love and a loving environment for yourself.

Learn to detach yourself from what others will think of you because IT-DOESN'T-MATTER. What they think should not matter. It's you. How you think of yourself, how you value yourself.

When people say to you, "I love you," -- I don't care.
When people say to you, "I hate you," -- I don't care.

Haha!

I'm not trying to talk you out of loving other people but you get the picture? Be so self-sufficient that everything else is just a bonus or insignificant (if it's a bad thing) to your (already stable) happiness.

Wouldn't it be nice to be sooooo free from the bondage of other people's opinion of you? Wouldn't it be fun to just let them love you as they please while you love yourself as you should? Wouldn't it be nice to not have to put in effort in manipulating people to love you the way you want to be loved? Wouldn't it be nice to extend that self-love to them without feeling depleted or demanding of them to love you back?

What a joyful rendezvous that could be! --People just being free to love and be happy.

There. That's the kind of relationships we should aim for.


Stay happy!

LOVE,
EM
The Happinay


inspired by the teaching of AH
photo source: http://www.telegraphindia.com/1150205/images/0502Val3(1).jpg

THE ART OF SELF-SOOTHING

Okay, the first actual blog post I'm going to write is about SELF-SOOTHING.

What on earth is SELF-SOOTHING?

Well, I define it as the art of RELAXING. It is finding comfort and relief amidst all of the chaos and clutter. You know, that very difficult thing to do when you are in the lowest of your lows.

Self-soothing is an essential skill to master if we want to develop a more positive version of ourselves.

So, how do we exactly soothe ourselves?

It is not rocket-science. Let me give you some tips on how to self-soothe.



1. MAKE PEACE WITH WHERE YOU ARE.

Okay. Before you can soothe yourself, the first thing to do is accept the situation that you are in. Make peace with where you are right now. 

Say, you lost your job. Okay. You found out you are sick. Okay. Things aren't going well for you. Okay. You are deep in debt. Okay. You got cheated on. Okay. You gained 10 more pounds. Okay.

It's not the end of the world.

I know, I know. It is easier said than done. But you have to understand that life is always evolving. Whatever deep shiznit you are in right now is not going to last. It will pass. Remember the last time you felt that way? You survived that pretty alright, didn't you?

The only way to get past that is to ACCEPT IT. Make peace with it. Embrace it. From making peace with where you are, you can get to where you want to be.


2. REACH FOR A BETTER FEELING THOUGHT FROM WHERE YOU ARE.

Whenever you feel a negative emotion, just reach for a better feeling thought from where you are. You can pivot your emotions and let it guide you to feeling better.

I'm not even saying jump all the way to happiness or bliss. It might be too big of a jump. Many people make the mistake of pushing themselves to feel happiness from absolute despair. Oftentimes, they don't make it or they end up exhausted from all the effort because it is too big of a jump. Just start from where you are, and work your way up the emotional scale.

If you are feeling FEAR, it sure is better to find a feeling thought towards WORRY. But HOPEFULNESS feels better than WORRY. And POSITIVE EXPECTATION feels a little better than HOPEFULNESS. And then you can turn POSITIVE EXPECTATION to PASSION, then PASSION to HAPPINESS, and HAPPINESS to APPRECIATION.

You see how we didn't jump from FEAR all the way to HAPPINESS? You can't get there from there. You have to work your way up, find a better feeling thought as you move up the emotional ladder.


3. GIVE YOURSELF POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS

Now, this is a very common tip on making yourself feel better. 

But the mistake that we often make is to give ourselves affirmations that don't really resonate. We tend to give ourselves affirmations that are far-fetched, far from what we are currently feeling.

In order for our positive affirmations to lift us up, we have to be along the vibrational or emotional vicinity of it. 

For example, I woke up this morning feeling insecure. I would rampage negatively by saying:

"I don't feel pretty. I don't think I'm pretty enough. I think my ideal weight is far from this. I need to lose a lot of weight. I don't feel worthy. I'm not a head turner. I think only fools would take a second look at me."

... and then you continue to wallow in feelings of insecurity the whole day and wonder why nobody is attracted to you. OF COURSE! You don't even like you.

So, let's turn that into positive affirmations that resonate. I wouldn't say, "I'm pretty." or "I'm super duper sexy". These are affirmations that are on the far end of the stick.

How about saying:

"I'm not the ugliest person in the world" -- I'm kidding, but pretty accurate, right?

or try,

"The world is full of beautiful people and I'm happy to be one with them in my own way. I enjoy knowing that I can also be as pretty as I'd wish to be. I love knowing that I have the means to take care of my body. I enjoy looking out for myself. I love showering myself with the love that I need. I appreciate the way my body takes care of me. I am appreciative of the billions of cells that are working overtime just to take care of me. I know that I can be thinner, or prettier, or more fashionable if I want to. I'm not there yet, but it's alright. In the meantime, let me just discover the many ways I can get there and I will have fun with it."

Now, doesn't that feel a little better?

4. DO SOMETHING FUN. OR JUST STOP DOING ANYTHING.

After you have made peace with where you are, reached for a better feeling thought, and showered yourself with positive affirmations, the next thing you can do is HAVE FUN.

Distract yourself by doing something fun. You don't need to spend a lot to do so. 

• Watch a funny sitcom (I recommend UNDATEABLE --seriously my guilty pleasure). 
• Go out and get sunshine. 
• Listen to a happy song that you can sing along with. 
• Watch funny cat videos on Youtube.
• Call a friend you haven't talked to in a while (but don't talk about your problem coz that'll suck)
• Eat good food, savor the deliciousness of it.
• Take a long, nice bath.
• Go out with your friends.
• Have a "pamper yourself" day.
• Hit the gym and kill your workout!
• Laugh. Laugh. Laugh.

If it's too dragging for you to have fun (because for some reason, you enjoy the drama of not feeling good), then just sit still and do nothing.

Just breathe. In and out. Long breaths. Meditate. Pray.

No whining, no whimpering, just stillness and quietness. Try it for 15 minutes and go to sleep if you can.

It's better to do nothing than add to the negative emotions that you are feeling. DON'T MAKE MONUMENTS OF THE BAD THINGS INN YOUR LIFE. Just nod at them and get going.

---

NOW, these are a few ways on how you can soothe yourself when you feel like sulking into your negative emotions. 

LIFE IS FUN. LIFE IS DELICIOUS.

Challenges are and will always be there. But doesn't that add to the fun of life? 

Always be affirmed that life works out. LIFE ALWAYS WORKS OUT FOR YOU. Why would you wanna believe otherwise? :)


(inspired by teachings of AH)
photo source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/192810427768411666/

WELCOME TO HAPPINAY!

YEY!

Welcome to the happiest blog (or at least I'll make it to be) on the web.

My name is Em. I'm a Filipina, and I am a happy person.

I know what you're thinking. "Goodness, one of those blah-blah-blah-I'm happy-Happiness-is-the-secret-to-life little girl" Well, technically that is half true. :) Because I like feeling good. It matters that I feel good. Who doesn't want to feel good? Do you? Don't you? Why don't you?

But let's get "real" (not really a fan of that word, but more on that a little later).

Nobody is always happy. Life isn't always picture perfect. There are "challenges" or in this case, let's call them "unwanted circumstances". Yes. There are a lot of unwanted circumstances.

However, there is always joy in these moments. This blog has been put up to help you get through those moments.

This blog is for you --
For when you feel like giving up.
For when you feel alone.
For when you feel like your money is not enough.
For when you feel like the love of your life is not gonna come.
For when you feel sad, and worthless.
For when you just need to be happy.
For when you need a reminder that NOTHING IS REALLY SERIOUS IN LIFE.
For when you could use a virtual hug from a stranger.
For when you just need to drown yourself into some much needed positive vibes.

This blog is for you. And honestly, for me too.

Life is fun! Life is delicious!

Come, have fun with me!

Love lots,

EM
The Happinay :)