Oftentimes, people do or don't do something and it can cause a good day to be sour. It's alright to have occasional sour days. But the problem comes in when we become too dependent on other people for the love and happiness that we ought to give to ourselves.
It's a classic cliche to say "you cannot give what you don't have" but it is definitely true. You have to practice that love and happiness energy for yourself first before you can find it from anyone else.
Here are a few reminders to make sure that you don't fall into that pattern:
1. LET OTHERS OFF THE HOOK.I can now hear gasps of surprise.
But yes, you have got to let others off the hook. Your happiness is your responsibility. No one should be able to take it away from you. But why do we oftentimes let them? For a number of reasons. Sometimes, we enjoy the attention. Other times we enjoy seeing them care about us and equate it with our value.
STOP.
I know it isn't easy but you really just have to stop doing that. If we always put our emotional well-being on the hands of other people, we will mostly end up disappointed. WHY? Because no one can be 100% consistent. It's not a stable point of attraction. It is not a steady and sure anchor to tie your emotional well-being to. No one can keep up with making you happy ALL THE TIME.
If someone has hurt you, or made you angry, sift through the situation and find the clarity in it. Would I recommend that you express your anger? NO. Would I recommend that you step away from it? YES. Step away from something unwanted and find your clarity first before dealing with the situation. Always act out from your alignment.
2. LET YOUR RELATIONSHIPS BE A REFLECTION OF YOUR HAPPINESS, NOT THE REASON FOR IT.
Ooooooh. This is a big one, isn't it?
I, too, have been mastering this for a long time now. I can't say I have 100% mastered it but I think I'm better at looking at my relationships as a reflection of my emotional state rather than a reason for it.
What exactly do I mean?
When your (romantic) relationship is wonky or shaky, we tend to resonate that and be out of whack with ourselves too. But it should be the other way around, actually. We should be fixing our own emotional state first and the universe will reflect that state back to us through our relationships with people.
You'd know if you have not been very kind to yourself when your lovers aren't exactly as kind to you. You know when you have poured yourself love and care when your lovers are very caring and loving of you, too.
You see how this works?
Alignment first, clarity and emotions first and then the manifestations will follow.
We can't say, "If only he will change his behavior, then I can feel good." It doesn't work like that. It's more, "I can and should feel good no matter what he does or does not do." And then watch how everything improves.
If it still brings you so many unpleasant things that you cannot un-focus on, then maybe it's time to just close the book and gravitate towards a more pleasing relationship with someone else.
3. THE ONLY RELATIONSHIP THAT TRULY MATTERS IS THE ONE YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF.
It really all boils down to how you are with yourself. Every single thing starts with self.
Take care of yourself. Pour love to yourself. Find peace and happiness with yourself. AND ALLOW THE UNIVERSE TO BRING FORTH MORE PEOPLE THAT WILL REFLECT THE QUALITY OF LOVE THAT YOU HAVE FOR YOURSELF.
Stop looking for love in all the wrong places. It is within you. You are love. You create love and a loving environment for yourself.
Learn to detach yourself from what others will think of you because IT-DOESN'T-MATTER. What they think should not matter. It's you. How you think of yourself, how you value yourself.
When people say to you, "I love you," -- I don't care.
When people say to you, "I hate you," -- I don't care.
Haha!
I'm not trying to talk you out of loving other people but you get the picture? Be so self-sufficient that everything else is just a bonus or insignificant (if it's a bad thing) to your (already stable) happiness.
Wouldn't it be nice to be sooooo free from the bondage of other people's opinion of you? Wouldn't it be fun to just let them love you as they please while you love yourself as you should? Wouldn't it be nice to not have to put in effort in manipulating people to love you the way you want to be loved? Wouldn't it be nice to extend that self-love to them without feeling depleted or demanding of them to love you back?
What a joyful rendezvous that could be! --People just being free to love and be happy.
There. That's the kind of relationships we should aim for.
Stay happy!
LOVE,
EM
The Happinay
inspired by the teaching of AH
photo source: http://www.telegraphindia.com/1150205/images/0502Val3(1).jpg
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